Well, you know I'm Jewish, so I probably don't need to specify that. Let's see if I remember anything (because, without looking? after all these years? oy):

Moses went up Mt. Sinai and God spoke to him there. Laid down the law, so to speak, on the tablets.

Well, it took a long time, during which time the Israelites began to believe Moses to be dead and they began to despair that God had forsaken them. So they built the calf as a backup idol.

...am I right? Am I even close?

According to the literal text of Parshat Yitro, or according to torah generally, which would include midrashim?

Literal text.

God says: "Yo, Moses, tell your people that I'm God."
Moses says: "Okay."
God says: "Okay, now tell them to keep the sabbath and respect their parents and avoid murder and... never mind, this is taking too long. Just come up the mountain."
Moses climbs mount Sinai.
Moses sees a bush burning without being consumed. He takes off his shoes.
God presents him with a set of gift-wrapped sapphire plates engraved with the Torah. They're so grandly wrapped that it takes forty days to get them out of the box.
Meanwhile back at the camp, the Israelites get lonely and want something to pray to that they can actualy see. So they melt all their earrings and get Aaron to make it into a calf. Then they ask it for all the stuff they think God's been keeping back.
Moses comes down the mountain. He sees the calf. He freaks out and shatters the plates. The Israelites promise to behave, and Moses goes back to get a replacement copy.

I think I'm mising some details. Like, I think there were signs other than the bush, I just don't remember what they were. I also don't remember why Moses was up the mountain for a long time, just that he was. He may also have been arguing with God over the laws at some point.

That's actually pretty close, except the burning bush wasn't there (that was back in Midian, when God said "hey Moshe, I need someone to go argue with Paro and lead my people out"). There were a couple more rounds of deal-making (see my followup).

Moses talks with God and inscribes the law on stone tablets. Moses comes down from the mountain and people are all scared of him because the glory of God is shining from him so someone throws a cloth over his head.

Moses sees people dancing around a golden calf and is pretty ticked off.

(I wasn't sure how much of the golden calf stuff should be included if we're 'ending with the golden calf')

Moses throws the stone tablets and breaks them saying that the Israelites aren't worthy of them.

I think there was something about grinding the calf up into water and making the people drink it.


Catholic

As I recall the legend, it's a bit confused, though doubtless my recollections are, too. On the one hand, Moses went up to Sinai for quite a while, prayed to and spoke with God, received the Ten Commandments on a couple of tablets, the rest of the Torah, and (in oral form) what is now the basis for the Talmud. However, I also recall that the entire Torah was offered to the Hebrews gathered there directly, and with one voice they agreed to accept and obey it.

Then, concerned that Moses wasn't coming back down, and despite having been the recipients of so many miracles so recently, they decided that an invisible god wasn't good enough, and they had Aaron craft the Golden Calf from their jewelry (earrings, etc.), along with a sacrificial altar. Then they engaged in all sorts of worship, including singing and dancing. God became displeased and wanted to kill them all. Moses dissuaded him, then became enraged himself (perhaps some of the music was disco), and broke the tablets. Then they burned the calf in fire, threw the ashes in water, and made the Israelites drink it. Oh, and I remember that a few thousand of the men were slain as punishment for the idolatry, but Aaron escaped unscathed, as did his tribe. Moses also went back up to Sinai to get some new tablets.

I'm a Jewish-born atheist, with no religious or mystical identification, and a tendency not to be entirely serious. :-)

As I recall the legend, it's a bit confused, though doubtless my recollections are, too.

No, it's not just you. :-)

B'nei Yisrael are brought to the foot of Har Sinai and they wait there while Moshe goes up onto the mountain. He's up there for 40 days (during which (a) he's given the Aseret ha dibrot and (b) the people wait for him at the foot of the mountain). After (according to the midrash) the people have counted 40 days but it hasn't actually been 40 days, some (but not all) of the people begin to think Moshe is not coming back. They start collecting gold from the women to melt down to build the golden calf. The calf is built (against Aharon's exhortations not to do so), and then Moshe comes down from the mountain. He sees the calf and breaks the tablets that have on them the Aseret ha dibrot.

(this is all very broad strokes; I haven't read this parsha since last year, and it's coming up again in not horribly long)

(and I self-identify as Modern Orthodox)

[Hmm... what's p'shat and what's midrash? A good exercise...]

• God speaks the decalogue (Ex. XX). "No other gods, no graven images. Got it?"
• Moshe, Joshua, the elders ascend Mt. Sinai (Only Moshe goes to the top)
• Lots of laws are given. V'sham'ru is in between here, iirc, which means that they must have started working on the mishkan.
• Forty days elapse. The people can't count; they tell Aaron that Moshe must be dead and they want a new god.
• Aaron tries to stall them, but they are insistent. He tells them to bring their gold and they do. (I believe it's midrash that his intent was to make them lose interest.) [Per your instructions, I'll skip the actual making of the calf.]
• Forty days are up, Moshe comes down, Joshua reports hearing a noise like battle from the camp. Moshe says, "That isn't battle," comes down, sees the orgy/avodah zara, smashes the tablets, tells the Levi'im to kill anyone who was participating in the A"Z. [I identify religiously as a Levi :-)]

First, G-d announced to Moses that in 3 days, the people would be spoken to at Mount Sinai, with instructions about how the people must be prevented from rushing the mountain. G-d started to speak, and far from rushing the mountain, the people ran away. They told Moses that he should talk to G-d for them; they accepted the commandments of G-d. Moses went up the mountain alone (Joshua came up a bit, but not the whole way), and told Aaron that he'd be back in 40 days. He spent the 40 days fasting and learning from G-d, and getting the (first) tablets. At the end of the period, G-d tells him that the people have started to sin already, and Moses persuades G-d not to wipe them out. He comes down to find the Golden Calf, and breaks the tablets in anger.

OK, more than a few sentences, but not a whole essay. I identify as Conservative, Egalatarian.

So this Moses guy went up the hill and communed with God, who gave him slabs of stone with The Law inscribed on them. Moses agreed that he'll try to get the folks to follow the law, and got down to the camp. But the folks had gotten bored and remembering the gorgeous temples of Egypt, had fashioned themselves a figure to worship. This made the Moses-guy totally enraged, and he took it out on the stone slabs he had with much effort brought down from the palaver.

Ah yes. Religious identification is mainstream Protestant Christian; Finnish Evangelic Lutheran.

Without looking? God proclaims the first Commandment, and the people get scared. He then tells Moshe the rest of them, and creates the tablets. Moshe spends 40 more days on Har Sinai. The people expect him earlier, and get discouraged that he doesn't show up. All but the Levis petition Aaron to make an idol for them to worship since their leader is apparently gone. He refuses at first, but they donate jewelery and money and the calf comes of itself. (Sorry, not skippable.) Aaron then says to have a feast to celebrate HaShem, but they end up in debauchery and worshiping the Eigel. God hears the celebration and tells Moshe that He's going to start fresh with just Moshe, and Moshe pleads for the bnai Israel. God agrees and Moshe goes down the mountain and smashes the tablets to get their attention. There's a plague that kills those who really participated, and then Moshe goes back up for the replacement set.

God laid down the law. Moses tried to pass it on, but the people were too freaked out to listen. They went Hathor-retro, but were just posers. Moses got pissed and layed some Righteous Wrath on the statue with the slabs. He stomped back up the hill to get another copy, and this time God was pissed, too, and took away their GPS.

and took away their GPS

*laugh*

You think Moses wasn't a man of infinite patience? Try hearing Aaron whine for the 6,487,312th time "Are we there yet?".

By the way I'm a Pagan-flavored Panentheist.

Not that I've studied this since, like, high school... but my recollection is that God spoke to Moshe up on the mountain, giving him at least the first part of the Law (I don't remember if all 613 commandments were given out in this session) and inscribed the first ten on two stone tablets. Meanwhile, down in the valley, the Israelites were getting restless; some of them fashioned an idol out of gold (or out of something else and then gilded it, not sure which), and persuaded the others to worship it. This turned into something of a wild romp. Moshe came down the mountain as the romp was going on, saw what was happening, got pissed off and threw the stone tablets down on the ground, breaking them.

(now going for the nearest bible to see how far off I was...)

Well, from memory, and taking in textual order rather than chronological order (since that is somewhat debatable). And trying to exclude midrash (which is always difficult from memory when I have been corrupted by a Jewish Day School education).

1- God manifests in some way before the assembled multitude and gives the ten commandments (Midrash says God only got through one before proceeding to next step).

2- All of the people "saw the thunder and heard the lightning", they come in terror to Moses begging Moses to handle all further communications with God, "lest we die."

3- God commands Moses that iron may not be used for building an altar to the Lord. Further, any alter must not have steps, lest a man accidentally reveal his nakedness (we must assume some folks, at least, did not wear underwear).

4- Insert parshat mishpatim here.

5- Moses and the elders conduct a ritual I still don't understand. Moses sacrifices an animal and gathers the blood. He climbs Mt. Sinai to get above the people and sprinkles them with the blood. He, the elders and Joshua climb further. He and Joshua climb on, leaving Aaron with the elders. The elders and Aaron feast and then have a vision of the purity of God as of a "saphire brick". I am persuadedI am never going to figure this part out.

Joshua stops half way up and waits for Moses. Moses continues to the top where he will remain for 40 days and 40 nights.

6 - insert Trumah, T'saveh, and the first section of Ki Tissa.

7- The people panic at Moses' apparent failure to return. They demand he "arise and build for us a god (alt. mighty one) that will go before us, for this Moses the man who who lead us out of Egypt, we do not know what happend to him."

8-Aaron orders them to gather their gold ornaments, which Aaron throws into a pot. Aaron fashions a pot and declares "a holiday for the Lord will be tomorrow."

9- BEne Yiroel whoop it up, God threatens to destroy the Children of Israel and make Moses into a great nation. Moses declines, urging God not destroy Israel.

This is already too long.

Oh yes. Recalling that prompted an interesting comparison. In Va'era, God tells Moshe "Behold, I shall make you an Elohim to Paroh and Aaron shall be your prophet (navi). In Ki Tisa, the people demand that Aaron build them a new Elohim because "Moshe the man" has failed them.

Interesting -- I hadn't noticed that before.

Oh my...let me think here.

So, Moses is there, and God gives him the ten commandments. It takes a long time. The people below get bored and upset that Moses isn't there, and end up making a golden calf. When Moses comes down they are partying it up with their new golden idol, dancing around it and pretty much breaking the first commandment (I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other...).

I'm really not so hot on what I would call the Old Testament yet. I need to find a class on it and get better.

I continue to be Roman Catholic. :-)

"To tell the truth, I haven't a clue," he said ashamedly.

I identify as Protestant.

I'm scared of doing this and being wrong on some important detail or something. Eek!

Sorry, didn't mean to scare anyone. :-) (I had some parts wrong, which is what prompted the question.)

Okay. God "set before [us] the blessing and the curse, even life and death". He told us to "choose life". Moses went up the mountain for 40 days; the people grew restless, feeling that they had been forsaken by God and/or Moses, and demanded that Aaron make a god for them to worship; they contributed their jewelry and what they had taken from the Egyptians and a golden calf was made from this. They were in the throes of worshipping this calf when Moses appeared, radiant, with the tablets of the Law that God had given him on the mountain. Seeing the goings-on, he threw the tablets down and shattered them.